The Midnight Library | Matt Haig
"She did not tell him that while coal and diamonds are both carbon, coal is too impure to be able, under whatever pressure, to become a diamond. According to science, you start off as a coal and you end up as a coal. Maybe that was the real life lesson."
The story focuses on Nora Seed, a 35-year-old woman who is suffering from clinical depression which she manages with anti-depressants. Her life has not really turned out as she wanted - once a promising swimmer, she passed the opportunity to become an Olympian; writing and singing for her brother's band, she ruined their chances of being signed by a label by leaving; on the brink of marriage she decided to end a relationship; she declined the opportunity to travel to Australia with her best friend Izzy. Now, her parents are dead, she has no relationship with her brother, no romantic attachments and as of this morning - no job.
All of this leads Nora down a dark path and she decided that it would be best if she ended her life. But just as she thinks it's all over she is transported to the Midnight Library, a special space between life and death crafter just for her. There time stands still and she sees Mrs Elm, her old school librarian who is to act as her guide on this adventure. Nora opens a pretty heave book of regrets and is given an option of undoing them. She chooses which option she wishes she would've taken and the kind librarian gives her a book that takes her into that other, parallel life.
We see Nora as an Olympian, a famous musician, a wife to three different men... And yet there is something in each of these lives that disappoints her and lead her back to the library. Now, I really liked the concept until the end. The message here seems to be a mix between "just don't be depressed" and "live for the sake of other people". What? Why show Nora all the possibilities when she couldn't actually live any of them? And also spin it as if her giving up on life's opportunities is a good thing because somehow all of those choices she didn't make would have ended in disaster - her death, her brother's death, Izzy's death, her mother's death, etc. I thought it was established that she gave up on those things because of her depression and anxiety, not because she had some premonition they wouldn't end well. It's just much too preachier than I like my books. Somewhere along the way this turned from an entertaining what-if into a self-help book, and I do not like those. I felt like I was deceived by the author and the synopsis.
Honestly, I am someone who is ambivalent to living - I don't think I'd ever have the courage to end it but I would be really happy to just drop dead. And if someone gave me this chance and showed me all my possible lives and then - when I found one I liked - said I actually couldn't have it... Well, let's say there would be no filling in that final book and coming back. And I'm just disillusioned, sad and lonely. Nora's problem is actual clinical depression, not just a lack of manifestation. She is still missing the same things in her life that she did in the beginning. It's not gonna be better just because she's looking at things differently. There were some self-care things I liked about the conclusion but the main idea kinda spoiled it for me.
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