the sunday lit: February 2022

"All my life, longings lived inside me, rising up like nocturnes to wail and sing through the night."

"What is this book doing to me? I keep having to put it down to cry. And I don't mean shed a few tears, but more of the ugly-crying, snot-and-tears-running-down-my-face, sobbing, heaving, piercing pain in my chest kind of crying. It's so painful and yet I can't stop reading it. What is this sorcery?"

"This book has left me absolutely wrecked. I don't think I am all cried out, but I hope the worst of it is gone. My eyes burn and water as I type this. I'll need a decent amount of fluff and a little break from heavy books for a while. I am not religious. Ans in my considerable contempt for organized religion and its confluence with political and nationalistic rhetoric as well as its use in justifying doing harm to others, I've never given much thought to Jesus, the man. And still, this book sunk its claws into my heart and made me care for him and his Little Thunder so much I ache with it. I cannot explain why this affected me so. I can't remember shedding so many tears over any story before. Reading this felt like a spiritual experience and I don't think I'll be the same person I was before I picked this book up." These are the first words I wrote after closing the final page of this book.

"The birth of a daughter is a loss. Better is the wickedness of a man than a woman who does good.

Offspring of serpents. Bags of rotted foreskins. Decayed pig's flesh."

Sue Monk Kidd imagines a life in which Jesus ben Joseph, yes, that Jesus, had a wife. Of course, she tackles the historical Jesus, not the man written about in the Bible. She omits the miracles attributed to him, and although she paint the heinous crucifixion in heartbreaking colors, she does not delve into his resurrection. Ana refuses to go back to the cave he's buried in, having said her final goodbyes already. Looking at the societal norms at the time, he would have had to be married to be considered an adult in his community. And that is where Ana comes in. And this is her story, not his. He is a prominent character, and he does change her life, but she is the one whose story is told on these pages. And reading it felt sacred somehow, she felt real and true, and she has remained with me days later. I don't think she'll ever leave me. Nor will he, to be honest. I cannot help wishing I had someone like him, the character in this book, to be a partner through life.

The book opens in Sepphoris, 16 CE. Ana is fourteen-years-old, a girl from a wealthy family, her father Matthias is head scribe to Herod Antipas. Her aunt Yaltha, who comes from Egypt to live with them, opens Ana’s eyes to a world she had no idea existed. Jewish girls and women in Alexandria, studying with philosophers, writing poetry, and owning houses. By reading the Scriptures, Ana discovers that there were also women there, not only men. In that moment, she knows she wants to be a chronicler of lost stories. And whatever her father allowed Ana in the past, a female, now needs to stop as she gets betrothed to a man and a man she doesn’t want to be with.

She is being forced to marry an old widower who cannot wait to break her spirit. She wants no part of it. She is different from what a woman is supposed to be at that time, she is "challenging" because she rejects the ideal her family attempts to instill in her. Ana is a writer, and is one of the few women being allowed to learn to write and read as a result of her father's indulgence. She is "racked with longings" and wished to be heard, to write down stories of women, terrible fates and tragedies that unfold behind high walls and are silenced. Stories that are deemed unworthy of writing down. She puts the stories of women from the Torah down on paper to preserve them. And yet when her family's schemings seem to make it all come to an end, when they wish to take her voice away, she meets Jesus, a young man that takes hold of her heart from the moment she sees him at the market. "The longing of my heart was for a man I scarcely knew." The red wool thread he leaves behind is one she ties around her wrist in his absence for years to come and it's a symbol of their unbreakable bond.

"When I tell you all shall be well, I don’t mean that life won’t bring you tragedy. Life will be life. I only mean you will be well in spite of it. All shall be well, no matter what."

Women were property back then, and Kidd does not shy away from showing all the horrors that entails. This was hell for women as men treated them worse than animals. That's where this book shines. Sue brings the plight of women into our hearts with this story. We see so many stories of terrible fates woven with Ana's. There are good men who treat them well, but even still, you had babies and cooked and cleaned. That was it. And that was the best case scenario. If people want to see what it really looks like to live by the rule 'wives submit to your husbands' this can show you how bad a world that really is. It shows how painful and horrible the patriarchy really is. We need a world not where one gender rules over another, but where we have both genders equal. It's a tough line to make work, because you have to let both people have the openness to bring out their true potential and that has pain attached to it. It comes down to how Jesus and Ana were apart so much. It was so difficult, but they each had to respect the other. There were times they failed, but in the end, they made it work.

I also adored the community of Therapeutiae, the freedom it afforded to women to express themselves, the freedom it gave to Ana. Though it is heartbreak that leads here there, it still has a healing effect. Yaltha is the one responsible for Ana getting there, encouraging her to go on, to pursue her longing, to find herself, apart from anyone else. These stories of sisterhood made my heart glad, the beautiful bonds between women who saw each other's pain and sought to lessen it.

I will be carrying the healing voice of this book within me for a very long time. The Book of Longings speaks to the deepest places of our souls that have been silenced and asks us to be heard. And I keep hoping that someday I'll meet someone who will be to me what Jesus was to Ana. What a beautiful thing they had between them. That I'll once have a community of supportive sisters with me, the way Ana ended up having. That I'll realize what my true longing is, without input from anyone else, and make it a reality. Go read this beautiful story, it may change you a bit as well.

"All my life, longings lived inside me, rising up like nocturnes to wail and sing through the night. That my husband bent his heart to mine on our thin straw mat and listened was the kindness I most loved in him. What he heard was my life begging to be born."

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“Perhaps even people you like and admire immensely can make you see the World in ways you would rather not.”

Piranesi, who narrates this story through his journal entries, is the sole living inhabitant of a labyrinthine, half-ruined building he calls the House. He also calls it the World, which in a sense it is to him: he has no memory of living anywhere except in the House. It is an endless procession of half-drowned, interconnected Halls and Vestibules, with no entrances or exits, where ocean is trapped and floods beset the lower levels but also provide him with life-preserving food, tools and fuel; the top layers of the House are the dominion of Clouds and the whole structure is regularly covered by clashing Tides that Piranesi keeps a track of in order to survive their wrath.

Piranesi has found 13 human skeletons in the House, which he religiously cares for, but the only other living person he has seen there is the man he calls the Other, with whom he has bi-weekly meetings and who irritably quizzes him on his explorations of the House. The Other is a smart man, dressed impeccably, this is contrasted with Piranesi own very shabby appearance, and is in search of the Great Knowledge, a quest in which Piranesi assists with his explorations. He is also the one who calls the narrator Piranesi, though he is quite certain that is not his actual name – but he cannot recall what that name might be, anyway.

And despite Piranesi’s contentment with his lot, you as a reader are aware of a pervasive sense of wrongness. Over time you realize that there is more than the House, that there’s a whole world out there that this man in unaware of – and yet you cannot warn him. His innocence becomes slightly unsettling, his obliviousness frustrating, his kindness disquieting… It is disturbing how much wonder he finds in exploring the House but feels no curiosity about anything else, does not question anything he is told by the Other. There’s a hope that he loses some of his innocence before it is too late.

The whole book is a riddle: what is it about? Who is Piranesi, the character? Where is he? Why is he there? Why is he alone? Who or what is the Other? There are clues everywhere, not least in the quotes at the beginning of the book, that the reader slowly picks up on and can further explore if the fancy strikes. It’s a story of solitude and loneliness, of isolation and cope with it. It tackles survival, innocence and evil, reverence and contemplation. It floats between being seductive and devastating, it lulls you with a sense of calm and yet there is an unsettling feeling creeping down your back the whole time.

But there is a delight in simply inhabiting the House with Piranesi, letting him take you by the hand and show you the ins and outs of the labyrinth, teach you what to do to survive. It’s a beautifully described world, an enthralling escape with a good-natured, quite naïve guide who lives in harmony with his environment. His joy and wonder and infectious and pull you to read more of his exploits. Piranesi calls himself the Beloved Child of the House and he worships its beauty and kindness, lives in communion with it, full of gratitude for all it provides him with. The novel is like a dream, slow, strange and intensely atmospheric, unbelievably immersive and hypnotic.

As things are slowly brought into the light with outside influence and the timely reveal of Piranesi earlier journal entries, the magical and mystical loses hold on the story and the real world creeps in. The explanations of who the main character is and how he ended up where he is are satisfactory, yet more mundane than what preceded them. Yet the book remains a twisty and surreal ride that unfolds slowly and keeps you asking for more by teasing the reader with mysteries and hints of reveals.

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"A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept."

The story happens through the period from 1945 to 1966. The main character is a young boy (and later and young man) named Daniel Sempere who lives with his father. The latter is the owner of a bookshop that specialized in rare books. Daniel lost his mother as a young boy, but "her radiance and her warmth haunted every corner of [their] home". His father never remarried and didn't even take kindly to suggestions he do so. The two have a lovely relationship, with the older Sempere being a very patient and nurturing father, encouraging and cautioning his son without ever imposing his will or outright forbidding him to do things. Although we are introduced to many other characters, another one I consider to be the most prominent, along with Daniel, is the city of Barcelona itself. The rich history, the evocative descriptions, the misty and haunted quality of it is mesmerizing, and this novel wouldn't have its particular charm without it.

The Cemetery of Forgotten Books is a secret library that books are taken to when they're devoured by time, forgotten by readers. "Before us loomed what to my eyes seemed the carcass of a palace, a place of echoes and shadows." Daniel's father takes him there when the boy is 10 years old and wakes in the night, fearing he is forgetting his mother's face. As tradition demands Daniel is to choose one such forgotten book upon his first visit to the Cemetery and then keep it safe for the rest of his days. He chooses a small red book called "The Shadow of the Wind" written by Julian Carax. Having never heard of the author he is intrigued, but nevertheless very pleased with his choice, feeling a sense of destiny in uniting him with the tome. He reads the entire book that night, likening its structure to that of a Russian doll that keeps splitting and revealing diminishing versions of itself. The novel leaves such an impression he didn't want to fall asleep and risk breaking the spell the story had put him under.

What follows is an intriguing story of Daniel's growing up and of Barcelona's long troubled years. We are introduced to characters such as Don Gustavo Barcelo and his niece Clara, a woman 10 years Daniel's senior for whom he loses his head until a fateful day when his illusions shatter. There is Don Federico, the watchmaker, and Fermin, a homeless man Daniel and his father take in and employ at their store. This all converges with Julian's story and then characters from his life who appear to Daniel himself.

What sets off the real adventure is the appearance of Lain Coubert, the villain from "The Shadow of the Wind" who is going around burning all of Carax's books. He offers Daniel to buy the book, but as the boy refuses he suddenly feels a chill and understands that he needs to protect this book and keep it out of the scarred man's fiery clutches. Another villain is on the loose - the Inspector Fumero, an infamous and sadistic police official who takes bribery and switches sides as often as he needs to keep his position, selling out people and torturing them in prisons. He proves to be a boogeyman to both Fermin and to Carax, the connections Daniel reveals are extraordinary. Then there is Nuria, who knew Julian, and Miquel, his childhood friend.

We uncover the stories of the Aldaya mansion, of Julian and Penelope's doomed love, its parallel in the present time with Daniel and Bea, of revenge, of sacrifice, the connections between all these characters, the motives that range from reasonable responses or desires to the ravings of madmen... There are so many stories and so many characters here it is impossible to mentioned them all. I absolutely loved this and the tense atmosphere is a more than appropriate setting when depicting a time of uncertainty, a time where no one is safe and everyone can be a spy and anything can be a crime. It is just gorgeous.

The feeling of coming full circle and of history repeating itself, just with better choices, really resonated with me. As Daniel says, "In Carax's lost footsteps I now recognized my own, irretrievable." I adored the redemption aspect of the book and loved the satisfying conclusion, even though it does not offer a happy ending for all characters, nor do all the good people make it to the end of the book. I simply slipped into this story seamlessly and felt as if I were wandering the Ramblas with the characters. I was so entwined with it all and I actually cried at certain discoveries and found my chest aching an eyes leaking whenever events from this book crossed my mind days later. So... take that as you will.

This is not an easy book to get into. It's a long one, the characters and storylines multiply and converge in unexpected ways, but it does pay off. There are descriptions of violence, or threats or just the fear of violence being inflicted upon the characters. Those really chilled me to the bone. I'm looking at you, Fumero, you bastard. But I just couldn't stomach the descriptions of women. *sigh*

Now, it may be my feminism and my modern sensibilities talking, but it always took me out of the story when a character (mostly Fermin by my recollection) would talk about women as if they were objects, sex objects to be more specific, who are confusing but only because they are stupid and don't know what they want. No intelligent women anywhere, and even if their intelligence is acknowledged they are still reduced to their anatomy. I was so mad that Nuria, an amazing character, was described as this femme fatale who apparently drives men crazy by her mere existence. Then, there is a university professor who sleeps with all his female students, and this is seen as a rite of passage for these young women, not as blatant misuse of authority and sexual harassment. Even Daniel falls for this crap, looking at women as though they were pieces of meat only, undressing them with his eyes. You could, of course, say that this is time appropriate, people were much more obviously misogynistic in the 50s. And yes, I agree, but I did not need to read about it and it left a bitter aftertaste and made it harder for me to root for these male characters. Just my two cents. You may not even notice this (if you're a man there's a really big chance you don't see anything wrong with it either) but I had to mention it because, as a woman, it bothered me and soured my impression of the book slightly. So, still a great piece of writing, but not flawless.

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About Me

I blog from time to time about things that inspire me. Lately, I have been getting back into the habit of reading, and my posts reflect that. I'm also always trying to take pretty photos, with varying degrees of success.

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