Lost for Words | Stephanie Butland
"It's good to be reminded that the world is full of stories that are, potentially, as painful as yours."
I was on the hunt for something relating to bookstores or libraries when I stumbled upon this gem. The title and the cover drew me in and I assumed it would be a fluffy, cozy book to curl up to on a cold autumnal day. I was not entirely right there. The book is cozy. And it's set in a second-hand bookstore, so bibliophile points are going up. There are many references to other books. The heroine spends her free time reading as much as she can. She has book quotes tattooed on her body. And yet... there is a depth and a tragedy to this book that I did not anticipate. It made my chest constrict and reminded me somewhat of 'Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine', a book I loved a ton.
Loveday Cardew works at 'Lost for Words', a second-hand bookshop run by Archie, a man who is larger-than-life and full of stories of adventure and mischief. He is Loveday's only friend, besides being her employer, and she seems to see him as the only person who might care about her. There's mention of foster care and memories of her parents but Loveday keeps her cards close to her chest and we are unsure as to what led her to 'Lost for Words'. She is twenty-five, has short hair, a nose piercing, and tattoos of the opening lines of her favorite books on her collarbones, arms and legs. She doesn't exactly scream 'approachable' and that's how she likes it.
One day she finds a book of poetry on the ground and posts a found notice on a pinboard of the shop. The owner of the book appears and introduces himself as Nathan, a man Archie later tells her could've been someone. He's a poet and a magician. We are also introduced to Rob, an a academic, though at first it appears as if he's just infatuated with Loveday and so her pushes roses through the letterbox at the store every day. And there is also Melodie, the local tour guide who sometimes helps out at the store. The cast is all there and the story begins.
As I mentioned, Loveday doesn't talk about her past, but things start to change when a mysterious box of books appears in the store. It's twenty-six Penguin Black Classics, the exact ones her mother used to have on the shelf in their little crammed house. Memories of going to the small local bookstore in Whitby flood Loveday, but she shakes it off as a coincidence. Her mother doesn't know where she is, she couldn't have sent it. Then there is a book of nursery rhymes, exactly as the one her father had with a postcard i that bears her mother's handwriting. And finally, a cookbook she and her mother used to cook from, marked on the same pages as the one they had in their house. Loveday is shaken? How has found out her secret?
At the same time as these mysterious delivers turn up, Loveday starts getting closer to Nathan. She goes to the George & Dragon, the pub he invited her to for poetry night, when she tries to get away from Ron (we'll get to that can of worms) and things progress from there. She keeps repeating how she is not good in relationships, that she doesn't want one, that it is impossible for her to have one. She tries keeping him at arm's length but he worms his way inside, slowly, cautiously. He is aware of her secrets but doesn't push her to tell him anything, though he does reveal things about himself. It all feels to good to be true for the jaded Loveday and she is determined to sabotage herself, resolving to break up with him while things are still god between them.
And Rob... Rob has a mental illness that he doesn't treat properly. He craves control and exercises it on the women he dates. He and Loveday used to go out but when he slapped her one night when she wanted to leave because he demanded she should've asked for his permission to get a tattoo, she breaks it off. And this is when the roses and the stalking started. Now he's dating Melodie and Loveday is debating telling her what he's like, though she fears she won't be believed as she has no actual evidence. I all the mess, Rob learns of her secret, of what happened in Whitby and threatens to tell Nathan. Cornered and terrified, Loveday breaks up with him before he learns anything about her past.
The chapters are all cleverly titled after book genres: poetry is for the present, history is for Rob, crime is for her childhood. Through her memories of what happened fifteen years ago, we learned that her father lost a job and then started losing his temper. Now she sees what she'd missed as a child, that her father was violent, especially toward her mother, who had bruises and broken bones and cracked teeth when she was examined. It really touched me how she loved both her parents and couldn't reconcile how loving they were to her to how much they hurt each other. We also see how this has impacted her, how losing them both at the age of ten made something inside her die and she was never the same, despite her foster-mother trying her best. Loveday is fiercely independent, doesn't want to owe anything to anyone, and she's hurt, really hurt.
I absolutely loved this book and this heroine. The story of healing, of forgiveness - for others and for yourself, of letting people in, of learning to love is masterfully woven here. I also feel it's a universal story as we all have baggage and things that make us want to give up and just be loners. Maybe our stories aren't as tragic as Loveday's, but hurt is still hurt and it must be dealt with. It was also great how she had a support system around her, though she thought that after losing her parents she had no one who truly cared for her. Again, look around, you might not be as alone as you think.
What is Loveday hiding? Why isn't her mother allowed to see her or know anything about her? Is she ever going to let her guard down and accept love and Nathan into her life? Read and find out.
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