the sunday lit: July 2020

"Hygge is the antidote to the cold winter, the rainy days and the duvet of darkness."

This is mostly a coffee book, let's be honest about that. I love the idea and the aesthetics of hygge but it was (and still remains) hard for me to believe a whole nation has the same lifestyle and outlook. And that's kind of what this book claims to be - a breakdown of the way Danes live and the secret behind their general happiness (Denmark always places on top in yearly polls regarding quality of life and life happiness and satisfaction). Hm...

So, hygge is a part of Danish national identity. I was intrigued to find out that it was borne out of necessity. While we all fill our Pinterest boards with pretty images of woolen socks, pretty knit blankets, candles and Ikea furnishings, and maybe incorporate some of these aspects into our lives because it's the trendy buzzword in lifestyle circles, for Danes it is simply a way of life.

Long and cold winters, dreary weather and very little sunlight are what drove these people to look for alternative ways to get cozy. I imagine living in those conditions takes a toll on a person, so I applaud the thought of making something the nature didn't give them. The candles and the pretty lighting is derived from the lack of sunlight, the cozy knits and fireplaces are because of the cold weather. In Denmark these things aren't a fad, they are necessities. And of course, capitalism took that and ran with it.

Now, food also seems to be a big part of hygge. The Danish people are big on sweets, as this book informs us. Also, rich foods seem to be the most traditional ones and the most usual choices. I completely understand that. I live in the mediterranian climate so I'm not nearly as exposed to cold as they are - nonetheless, I also eat a lot of rich, fatty food in winter; but stick to light salads and soups in summer. It's simply natural, I suppose, because our bodies need more energy to keep our temperature levels up, which is hard to do in below zero, so the rich foods give people the energy they need to, basically, survive. Hot drinks also seem to be a big deal, especially coffee.

While the social structures in Denmark sound like something utopian to the rest of us, it is important to note that the conditions at work seem to be pretty amazing as well. According to this book, the companies make the offices comfortable, hyggeligt, and this is what motivates the workers. I have never worked an office job but I imagine that sitting in an uncomfortable chair, in a sparsely decorated, monochromatic space for 8 hours cannot be conductive for your energy levels. The Danes seem to combat that with simple homey touches that make people feel like they're not at work - candles everywhere, sweets, comfortable furniture... I love that.

But, despite the plentiful number of bars and restaurants that offer that hygge feeling, the home still remains the focal point of coziness. People select their furniture and decorative pieces with a stunning precision and it seems that things must be just so in order to be hygge. This is sort of the part I have a problem with - the emphasis on the particular, often very expensive, pieces you simply must have in order to make your home more hygge. Just no. I feel like these things should only be taken as suggestions and then you can go out and find things in your price range that may be the same, similar or maybe just give off the vibe of hygge.

I understand the history behind some brands, especially the lighting ones, but I don't think I need to spend an ungodly amount of money on that particular lamp or else my home will not be hygge. I love the idea of these "pockets of light" throughout the room, and I do prefer them to the harsh overhead lighting, but you don't need to buy these exact lamps. Like - Ikea is expensive enough, no need for designer furniture. (We don't have Ikea here, but I've seen some catalogs online and - oh boy. It's pretty but not what I'd call affordable.) I do love the idea of bringing the nature inside - so many plants throughout the space and lots of wooden furniture and decor sounds lovely and warm.

Another aspect of hygge is the company you keep. Your friends and family are an important part of living a hyggeligt life - getting together, sharing responsibilities, dividing tasks. I absolutely adore the idea that when people get together they all agree to bring something and then they help clean. Here, it's still the host's (read: the woman of the house's) responsibility to make all the food and arrangements. Then she spends most of the time in the kitchen, either preparing the food or cleaning up, and doesn't get to spend much time with the guests. The idea of everyone pitching in, making something and then also helping set things up and clean afterwards sounds absolutely lovely. This way everyone's equal, everyone's participating and there's no exclusion. I must applaud.

And, of course, the most hygge time of all - Christmas. It's apparently a big production that can sometimes lead to some stress. A lot of things need to be prepared (again, the book gets a bit too exacting for my tastes) and people usually judge whether your Christmas was hygge enough. I'll just leave you with that thought. The rest of Christmas festivities sounds the same as they are in rest of the western world, something out of a Hallmark movie or a cozy Christmas novel. The author even emphasizes that all the stress in the lead up to the holidays pays off because the day itself is amazing. The idea of that sounds fine, but I wonder how many people are able to properly relax on the day and not worry whether their weeks of careful planning will go off without a hitch. I must ask some Danes if I ever meet any.

All in all, the book was interesting. I did learn some things as the author is a researcher at the Happiness Institute, and there are some aspects of this whole thing that I like and have incorporated into my life. Some things I'd like to try out and there are others still that I will not be attempting. (I hygge the best when I'm alone, thank you very much, and my cheap furniture and decor is sufficient to make me feel like I'm being hugged.) There are some pretty photographs and some recipes there that can be tried out - this does make a beautiful coffee table book. And it looks pretty on my bookshelf as well. I don't know what to say really - I think I should get in contact with people from Denmark who can tell me how much, if any, of this they actually apply in their lives. The idea is cute, but I'm not sure how realistic the application is.

(If this really is the norm of living in Denmark, I apologize for my pessimism. It's just how I'm wired. Also, when can I move there?)

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"It was so strange, how the end could precede death by years, by decades."

lithereal, book review, say say say review,

I must say I have a complicated relationship with this novel. The topic handled was heavy - being a caretaker of disabled individuals can never be easy, caring for an adult who cannot care for themselves anymore, watching them and their family suffer, trying in vain to get used to a new reality, to the fact that life really is unfair and there is no rhyme or reason to any of it. But this is the part that I liked, the exploration of decay. The main character, though - her, I hated.

"It was a strange way to make a living: the slow creep of hours, the tedium of domesticity and isolation, morning talk shows bleeding into drowsy afternoon soaps, all pierced with looming mortality and surreal delusions."

So, Ella is 29 and a caretaker. She abandoned her Master's program for an unspecified reason but seems to still be clinging to an ideal of a life she has given up. She even says herself that this was not the life she imagined. It's like she's wanting for something different but is unwilling to do anything about it. Alas, she seems to be good at what she does, she bonds with her charges and does her duties well.

The job she is interviewing for is the one through which the novel follows her. Jill has had an accident about 15 years ago and, as her condition worsened, her husband and primary caretaker Bryn is looking for some help. There is some mention of their son Nick but he is there just in passing (literally, he is present at the interview and later he brings over a load of laundry). What is immediately apparent is that Ella has some sort of weird fascination with Bryn (which becomes morbid in the latter half of the book) and that she is lazy.

She often ruminates on how handsome Bryn is (a Robert Redford type, apparently), even imagined having intercourse with him, and has some pretty unflattering thoughts about his hypothetical future girlfriend. It was all so strange and is one of the reasons I dislike Ella so much. She is also gay, lives with her girlfriend Alix, but doesn't correct Bryn when he assumes her partner is a man. She defends this by saying her clients are usually conservative and they don't need to know anything about her life - but I feel she just wants to be seen as an option to Bryn, she wants him to want her.

"Why was this so startling? Did she think so little of men that it surprised her when they displayed the decency she would expect from a woman? Or did she think so little of women that they didn't warrant tender, self-sacrificing care from a man? It was both. It was neither."

Ella always finds ways to cut corners. She brings over books, puzzles, crosswords, stitching, mending... anything she could do while Jill is down for her nap. Aware that this is not exactly the right thing to do, that Bryn is paying her for more than to just sit around, she still doesn't offer any further help and is pleased when he doesn't ask. This is exemplified in the dirty bathroom which she vows to herself to clean each time she enters it but never even starts the task.

"Their roles were stripped genderless through a wildfire of loss, standing stark where lush growth might have hidden predators, there was only charred and shivering sufferer and co-sufferer, lover and beloved."

As I mentioned previously, my main frustration with this book is Ella. Now, she isn't a badly written character, or maybe not even a bad character, but I found her simply unbearable. She is plump but pretty, as she says. She hates the excess weight and feels like it's a burden she's lugging around, but she loves cameras, loves flirting and being liked. Though in a relationship she considers cheating a couple of times because she sees faithfulness as a prison. Still, she doesn't want Alix to leave her for someone better - because it would make her feel bad about herself. At times I felt she was more animal than human, her hedonistic instincts would kick in and it made me recoil as I was reading the words.

Some of her thoughts were relatable and understandable, though. Her constant anxiety about how Bryn is perceiving her, wondering whether she should comfort him or nor, worrying a tough might be a way to cross some invisible boundary. Her thoughts about religion and god as a queer person were exceptional - 'Ella could remember exactly where she's been, exactly what she was doing when God died.' A section where she changes Jill, who is screaming and trashing and kicking, is something that stuck with me as well: she felt like she was violating her. The image really resonated in me - she is changing a grown woman, stripping her down without her consent (because she is unable to even give it), doing things she obviously doesn't want. But here's the catch - it's for her own good.

The relationship between Bryn and Jill, his love and care, his refusal to let her go, the determination to care for the woman he loves by himself is the beautiful part of this story. He has given up everything, his job, presumably his social life, his sex life (they are in their 60s and this has lasted for about 15 years) so he could stay with a woman who has lost everything. He has lost her completely and her physical presence is all that is left so he clings to it as long as possible. The visual of him getting a rash on his arms and hands when it becomes inevitable that she will need to be moved to a care facility is another indicator if this.

"Maybe there was no place for coy euphemisms at the front lines."

Maybe this book needs to settle. Maybe I need time. Maybe I dislike Ella so much because there are some things within her that I recognize in myself. (There are, in some aspects we are alike, and I hated seeing those words on the pages because I felt like I was reading myself.) I did feel like it could have been longer because there were some threads that were picked up and then just never fully explored or explained. Or it could have focused solely on the job, on Jill and Bryn. I feel like that would've made it more concise. I don't know whether to recommend it or not, but it's very short and I read it in an afternoon, so... We all have time now, might as well read, right?

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I blog from time to time about things that inspire me. Lately, I have been getting back into the habit of reading, and my posts reflect that. I'm also always trying to take pretty photos, with varying degrees of success.

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